


Forgiveness

by karathegoddess



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 01:00:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20417267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karathegoddess/pseuds/karathegoddess
Summary: Inquisitor Azariah Cadash is heartbroken upon finding out Blackwall not only isn't a Grey Warden, but had been lying about it throughout their entire relationship. She able to pull through, by leaning on her friends while figuring out how to forgive Blackwall





	1. Friend's Concern

Inquisitor Azariah Cadash stared at the war table. There were so many markers that it made finding particular missions next to impossible. Azariah found herself constantly forgetting which mission was which. And yet, her eyes seemed incapable of prying themselves from one little marker. It was just a piece of wood and yet it was so much more. The paper under it even said 'Thom Rainier Prisoner Transfer'. It took a moment to translate the name in her head to Blackwall.

Blackwall, her lover, wasn't real. Her hero Grey Warden had all been a lie. The more Azariah thought about it, the more she couldn't confidently say their love hadn't been either.

"Inquisitor!" Josephine said louder. Her advisor nudging her shoulder. It took a lot of effort, but Azariah managed to peel her eyes away to look up at the woman.

"Forgive me, what was it you were saying?"

"You're actions at the Winter Palace were exceptional. Empress Celene is not only eternally grateful for you saving her life, but she has outwardly stated she genuinely believes you to be the Herald of Andraste despite your dwarf heritage which will..." Josephine frowned. "She's not listening to me is she?" Commander Cullen followed the Inquisitor's wandering gaze to the war table. He knew what the paper was. Leliana already knew and once he heard an "oh" from Josephine, he was certain all the advisors had figured out what was distracting their Leader.

"You're tired," Cullen said placing a hand on who he considered to be his friend's shoulder. "Perhaps you should rest and we can continue the briefing when you feel up to it." He suggested. Azariah pinched the bridge of her nose next to the large dark circles under her eyes.

"I am sorry. I-"

"Don't worry about it. Feel better, Inquisitor." Cullen reassured. She had helped him even in the darkest times of his lyrium rehab. The least he could do was help her deal with Inquisition duties while she dealt with whatever the hell you'd call what she was going through.

***

Varric was going for a stroll with Cole, when he saw Azariah and her small party of The Iron Bull, Dorian, and Sera, return to Skyhold. They looked a little scuffed up for the most part, but Azariah look as though she had been a dragon's chew toy, though she didn't seem to care.

"You're hurt!" Cole said in distress.

"It's not so bad." Azariah replied stiffly. She had a long vertical gash starting at her forehead going down just past her eyebrow, that seemed to bleed faster as she said that. You didn't need medical training to know it was going to be a hell of a scar.

"That one may not be, but your leg is a wreck! Now that we're back in Skyhold you promised you sit down and prop it up!" Dorian snapped. She didn't object or argue and silently followed Dorian to get some medical treatment. Cole shook his head.

"No she's not hurting like that, well she is, but it's numbed by the real hurt." Cole tried to explain. "Warm hugs, soft skin, sweet kisses, calloused comforting hands...lies? Were they all lies?"

Varric frowned. Cole repeated people's consciences out loud when he sensed their pain, as a part human, part Compassion spirit would. But it was rare for someone that Cole knew so personally and cared for to be hurting like this. Dorian returned.

"She's resting, but she'll be fine...physically." Dorian bit his lip. The Iron Bull had been listening to Cole and he knew the kid was right.

"Maker's Breathe, what did the Inquisitorialness do this time?" Varric asked glancing at the infirmary, Dorian had led her too.

"We were trying to save a large group of civilians. We saved and she gave us time by fighting off Venatori. By herself." Dorian huffed disapprovingly.

"Yeah, the way the Boss fought...the way she'd throw herself in battle, was starting to worry me." Iron Bull admitted.

"Ha! And that's coming from him!" Dorian pointed up at the horned giant as if to accuse him. Bull would have laughed, but he wasn't really in the laughing mood. Cullen walked by and joined in the concerned conversation.

"Yeah. Not to mention she hasn't been sleeping and has barely been eating at meals. She's not too injured though?" the Commander added worriedly. Sera interjected brazenly as though she'd been waiting to say her observations too.

"I don't like the Inquisitor brooding! She wouldn't help me with some pranks. They always make her laugh!" She insisted. It was hard for the friends to not be shaken, since seeing Josephine soaking wet from the bucket she had placed above her door, had her golden laugh echoing throughout the whole palace for days.

To their surprise Azariah had returned a few moments ago most likely, but before Dorian could scold her for not propping her leg up she hugged herself and look up at them all sadly.

"I'm sorry. I haven't been taking Blackwall-eh-Rainier's reveal well. You don't have friends in the Carta, so sometimes I forget how much support I have now. I don't mean to ask for too much, but I'll need a lot, later when I judge him." Azariah took her time with the words as if to make sure each one was the proper fit. Sera forcefully pulled the Inquisitor into a hug.

"How could you forget something like that, Stupid." She insulted, but there was no malice behind it, in fact her voice cracked as though she were about to cry. Once she let go, Cullen gave Azariah a comforting squeeze on her shoulder and a curt nod. Bull placed his hand on the Inquisitor's back which was about the same size.

"Always here for you, Boss." He smiled. Varric pulled his fellow dwarf into a hug once Bull had taken his leave. Dorian crossed his arms.

"Sera's right. You are stupid. And moronic. And idiotic." He hissed, but put a comforting arm around Azariah's shoulder nonetheless. "You couldn't have said this before you took on fifty Venatori by your lonesome?" He joked. She laughed and then hissed in pain as her injured leg buckled. The mage caught her, Varric steadied her on the other side. They half carried her to the infirmary, while Azariah thought. She certainly didn't feel better about the whole ordeal, but she felt far less alone.


	2. The Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inquisitor Cadash Judges her lover.

Blackwall was dragged into the main hall, his shackles chafed his wrists and clanged rhythmically until the soldiers, one he recalled training with, forced him on his knees. How could Azariah do this to him. He'd prefer death than to see the aftermath of his lies on the person he cared for the most. He kept his eyes on a spot on the rug in front of him as Ambassador Josephine Montilyet stepped forward.

"Our judgement today, Inquisitor. I must present Captain Thom Rainier, formally known to us as Warden Blackwall. His crimes are... Well, you know what his crimes are." She trailed off uncertainly.

"I knew this would be difficult, but it's harder than I imagined. It pains me to see you like this." He heard her voice cut across the whispers of spectators. He stole himself and looked up.

"Another thing to regret," He huffed and frowned. Blackwall had seen her sit on that throne countless times when passing judgement. Azariah had always looked as though she were born to sit on it. Despite her height, she normally managed to tower over her prisoner, intimidate them. She would speak strong, steady, confident, even if she had been unsure behind closed doors.

Blackwall had never seen Azariah look so small.

Regularly her hair would be in her intricate braid and bun, that she would spend at least a full hour on getting everything meticulously even. Now, her hair seemed wild and sloppy, several stray wisps of hair had escaped her braid. She looked exhausted, small, and worst of all her eyes. There was such a profound sadness in them. A large fresh scar was on her brow. It looked like it had been painful cut. Why couldn't he have been there to protect her? "What did you have to do to release me?" He asked.

"I asked Josephine to call in a few favours. There are no short of people we have helped that want to give a little back." She answered honestly.

"And what happens to reputation the Ambassador has so carefully cultivated? They'll know how you've used your influence. Everyone will see the Inquisition as corrupt." Blackwall found himself on the precipice of shouting.

"I wish there had been another way, but my options were limited-" Azariah attempted to defend her decision, but Blackwall interrupted.

"You could have left me there!!!" He thundered causing Azariah to flinch in her chair. "I accepted my punishment! I was ready for all this to end!" Blackwall spat angrily. She then appeared to try to sink back in the throne as though she hoped it would swallow her up. Blackwall felt horrible for startling her, but that was the least of his crimes at the current. Nonetheless he let his tone softened. He could see her peering into him, her eyes searching. She was scanning for answers for a sign that he was still the man she fell in love with. "Why would you stop it? What becomes of me now?" The Herald stood from her throne and walked forward to address him, with a new found confidence. Or she just desperately wanted this to be over. "Thom Rainier," The words sounded as foreign out loud as they did in Azariah's mouth, "You have indeed deceived and lied to me as well as the Inquisition which is something difficult to forget. However, although your name, and title were falsities, your loyalty to the Inquisition has not and never will be a question." She sounded so confident, Blackwall almost believed it himself. "You have your freedom." Azariah said slowly, as if it were obvious.

"It cannot be as simple as that." Blackwall protested.

"It isn't" She assured. "You're free to atone as the man you are, not the traitor thought you were, or the Warden you once pretended to be." The Inquisitor chose her words carefully, but there was passion behind it. Genuinity. "Uncuff him. We're dismissed." She turned to the left to retreat to her quarters, thankful that they were so close to her. Blackwall noticed a subtle a limp. The injuries were disconcerting to say the least. 

He had to speak with her as soon as he could.


	3. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azariah Cadash discusses her feelings of Blackwall's reveal with him.

Blackwall stepped into the light of the balcony. Inquisitor Azariah Cadash didn't turn to acknowledge his presence. Her shoulders had been shaking moments prior when Varric and Dorian had been out here comforting her, but they had ceased on his arrival. She had held well during the trial, but her facade could remain for so long. And even during his judgement, he knew she had been fighting to hold back tears. Especially when he had idiotically yelled at her. Blackwall couldn't see the expression on her face and he wasn't sure he wanted to, knowing he was the one who had caused it.

"My Lady..." He ventured. She didn't respond. This made him feel he didn't have permission to walk farther onto the balcony. He couldn't blame her in the least for not wanting him anywhere in her vicinity. "I just wanted to say, I may have lied about who I was, but I never lied about how I felt." Blackwall had to say it. He wasn't expecting anything short of a 'get out of here' or perhaps even a shove or slap. Hell, he deserved the whole lot after what he'd done. Blackwall frowned, furious with himself for causing this pain on the person he cared about the most. He waited patiently for a response, but when he felt as though there was none coming, he turned ready to leave.

"Wait." Her normally steady cool voice sounded tight, strained. Azariah turned her head, her wide rimmed eyes welled with water. "You lied to me." Blackwall could see a single tear streamed down her face as if on cue. He wanted nothing more than to run over to her and dry her tears, but as the one who had caused them, he could only bowed his head in shame. "Not just once, you kept enforcing that lie with more lies. If that was so easy for me to believe, what's to say we-" She cut herself off.

"I can only apologies for the lies. I cannot undo them or the hurt they have caused you." Blackwall accepted. "But I promise you, nothing between us was ever a lie." Blackwall insisted. He wanted her to know, even if they couldn't heal this relationship. There was a long pause between either of them until Azariah turned back to face the view off the balcony again. "I forgive you." She said after what felt like an eternity. This is not what Blackwall had been expecting. He had been preparing himself for her to pitch him off the balcony or dump him and there was no better reason. Never in a million years would have expected to hear her utter those words. Not right now. Not so quickly. He wasn't even worthy of forgiveness. Blackwall walked over cautiously, next to the balcony and stared down at her in disbelief even though her eyes were still on the horizon.

"You...you're lying...?" The words left his bearded mouth before he could stop them, but thankfully came out as more of a question. Blackwall knew he didn't deserve it, forgiveness.

"No," Azariah said confidently. "No, I'd be lying if is said I'm not angry. Because I am. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel betrayed. Because I did. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. Because I was." She paused her voice cracking and more tears spilled from her dazzling emerald eyes. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't think this will cause a rift in our relationship, because I fear it will. But, me forgiving you? No, that's the truth. Because despite all of it, the anger, betrayal, and hurt..." Tears were streaming down her face quickly now and finally craned her neck to look up at him and allow their eyes to lock. "I want nothing more in the world than to run into your arms again." She paused, then cautiously walked forwards, her tiny frame slowly embracing his abdomen. He wrapped his arms around her immediately, almost instinctively. Blackwall leaned down and pressed a long kiss on the top of her little head, silently thanking the Maker for creating such a forgiving Dwarf.


End file.
